Kathy (ticky_ticky) wrote in talk_soup,

To Whom It May Concern

a letter i wrote last night

I'm writing to no one in particular. Just some things I need to get out.

*I'm lost and I know this
-I'm 20 years old and a few months ago I was so sure I knew who I was. I thought I had it all figured out. I had no questions. No doubts. Now the doubts and the questions are overpowering my mind. Have I grown at all? Should I be proud of who I am right now? Am I living this right?

*I am weak
-I wish I could blame the people in my life, but I know it's my fault. I'm the one that can't walk away. The one that lets shitty things happen. I allow myself to get use to the pain and instill the thought in my head that this is the way it is SUPOSED to be. I trust too easily. I get attached. I'm too honest. I put everything on the line, allowing myself to be vulnerable.

*I'm apathetic...
-maybe about the wrong things. I can't handle unhappy, self-loathing people. Maybe i should be more sympathetic. Give in. Give the attention that is so much desired. The pity.

*I'm honest
-If I'm hurt, i let it be known and it somehow ends up being my fault. I don't know how. But people just see me as selfish, cause pain is fun. I guess. I don't understand it. Maybe I should stop trying. Do I continue with the honesty and lose 'friends' or stop and become some falst miss popularity?

*I'm happy
-and thats all i got!
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