• itmi

fall

This time of year is really is wonderful, don't you think? It's a love/hate thing for me, but the hate is getting lesser. The love getting stronger. Four years will do that, I guess.

I just burnt the coffee table twice because I wasn't paying attention. Trying to think of what to say that would actually make sense.

I mentioned I can't wait for next month, and Michelle said 'Because you can wear a hoodie?'.
I had to laugh.
Yes, because I can wear a hoodie. Football season. The smell. Leaves changing. Another year ending. Another year older. Missing people. Broken hearts. Broken dreams.

I'm still making mistakes. I'm still wondering what it is I'm supposed to be doing here. I'm still enjoying it as much as one can.

sparkle and fade

"let's just drive your car
we could drive all day
let's just get the hell away from here
for I am sick again-
just plain sick to death
of the sound of my own voice
we could leave behind
another wasted year
just get some cheap red wine
and just go flying

we could do the things,
all the things you wanted to
no one cares about us anyway

I think I lost my smile
I think you lost yours too
we have lost the power to
make each other laugh
let's just leave this place
and go to summerland
just a name on the map
sounds like heaven to me

we could find a town-
be just how we want to be
no one here really cares
about us anyway
we could find a place-
make it what we want it to be
no one really gives a fuck
about us anyway
we could live-
live just like we want to live
no one here really cares
about us anyway
we could be-
everything we want to be
we could get lost in the fall
glimmer sparkle and fade
the sparkle and fade
fall glimmer sparkle and fade

forget about our jobs at
the record store
forget about all the losers
that we know
forget about all the memories
that keep you down
forget about them
we could lose them in the
sparkle and fade
we could leave them behind
in the sparkle and fade
yeah sparkle and fade
fall glimmer sparkle and fade"
sumerland - everclear
scribble

journey...running...just going...cruisin...growing...i dont fucking know right now

ive never really wanted this as bad as i do now. its so far beyond wanting tho. it seems as if it trully is a necessity. im losing my mind more and more each day. if i dont go quickly i know that i will end up staying, that isnt true, but the longer i stay the more dificult leaving will be. it wont be easy in the first place. ramble ramble. ya know what makes me want to go really bad right now. tim. yup. tim. i dont want to be like him at all. i know i dont know him at all but i KNOW that i dont want to end up like him. i can see how his life is gonna turn out. i dont want that. i cant have that.
scribble

you can never look back

if i just started walking do you think anyone would notice or would i have time to get to where im going and start over?

would they notice at all? would they notice that im gone or would they just notice that its a little quieter around?

this weekend made me want to go so bad. part of e wishes we would have stuck to our plan, but i know we couldnt and im ok with that...just wishing..ya know?!
scribble

(no subject)

so, i just packed a bunch of shit. got my carry on almost ready. just need to buy a few small things. all thats left is to do laundry on thursday and pack my other under the bus bag.

we're doing this. i keep forgetting how to breathe. but its nice. i thought i had a lot to write, but all i really have is, this is real. im leaving. im on my way to being happy.

this is real

this is real

this is real
scribble

well..its happening

so, i just packed a bunch of shit. got my carry on almost ready. just need to buy a few small things. all thats left is to do laundry on thursday and pack my other under the bus bag.

we're doing this. i keep forgetting how to breathe. but its nice. i thought i had a lot to write, but all i really have is, this is real. im leaving. im on my way to being happy.

this is real

this is real

this is real
scribble

(no subject)

im terrified. so fucking scared. what if i fail. what if i cant do this. what if i drag nat with me and cant help her find what it is shes looking for. what if i get there and realize that this is just some high school dream that i took too far. what am i supposed to do if that happens. but if i dont go ill never know. and ill just stay here and never be me. never know what i can do. who i can be. so much to think about. but whether im scared or not im going. nothing is keeping here. and im sorry nat if i do fail and i cant do this. but i do want to find out if i can. i need to know if i can do this. i love you. so much.

My stupid horoscope

Negativity will be a problem, as the people around you do not have the hope and faith required to keep things going. You may have to decide about whether it is better to disassociate quietly or work things out.

(no subject)

"I don't wanna be wasted
I don't wanna live inside this daydream anymore
I just wanna be happy again
I don't wanna be wasted, I dont wanna be blind"
everclear 'otis redding'

"I'm thinking about taking some time
I'm thinkin about leavin soon
I got some things I can't tell anyone
I got some things I just can't say
They're the kinda things that no one knows about
just need somebody to talk to me
I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow
I'm thinking about being on my own
Think I've been wasting my time
I'm thinking about getting out
I'm thinking about getting out"
counting crows 'speedway'